you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
