i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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