I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
