i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
