If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.