Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.