i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.