she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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