He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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