So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
