Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We're too hungover to prance.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
