You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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