if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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