Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
