Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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