I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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