im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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