God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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