I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
