Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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