i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
