if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
