I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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