Welp...herpes.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
