When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
