dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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