those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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