lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
