Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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