I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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