im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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