i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
