Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
