Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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