that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
