Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
