That's intense
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
