dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
