You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
