I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
