so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
