I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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