my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
