i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Damn victory sex feels great
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
