i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
