I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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