omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
