she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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