I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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