I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
