Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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