i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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