Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize