Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
