I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
