he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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