Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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