I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
