Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
