I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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