wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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