And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
