that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
