Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
