I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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