Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize