I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
