the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
