Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
