Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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